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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26310754">So?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MALLR4TS/pseuds/MALLR4TS'>MALLR4TS</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual, Asexuality, Coming Out, Insecurity, request</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:35:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26310754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MALLR4TS/pseuds/MALLR4TS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The last person Kieran ever expected to come out to is Bill, but it seems Bills advice is better than Kieran thought.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>So?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Got a request for stuff about asexuality, so hopefully this fits the bill! (hehe) </p><p> <br/>Tumblr is @MALLR4TS</p><p>please feed me with kudos xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's another pleasant eve at Clemens Point. The sky is a deep shade of orange, few clouds overhead and the air is still hot. The waters pleasant, lapping against the shore at a calm pace. Few birds fly overhead. It's a picturesque setting, and that's exactly why Kieran enjoys sitting where he is, overlooking the water on the outskirts of the camp. </p><p>Sadly, this calm moment soon comes to an end as Kieran overhears heavy footsteps approaching. They're far too recognizable, and Kieran turns his head over his shoulder just in time to see Bill walking past, finishing his shift on guard duty, gun still in his hands.</p><p>Bill had no idea Kieran was sat there, jumping a little as he notices the much smaller man sat beside the bushes. </p><p>"Kieran?! What'cha doin' out here?" Bill asks as he approaches. </p><p>"Just mindin' my own business," Kieran replies.</p><p>"What? Don't you get sassy with me, boy," Bill scowls, coming to a halt beside Kieran. </p><p>"I ain't." </p><p>"Well then, what is you doin'? You look upset," Bill questions, looking down at Kieran. </p><p>"Nah, I ain't. I'm just thinkin', that's all," Kieran tells him, moving his gaze from Bill back to the landscape, his neck aching a little from looking up at the other man.</p><p>"Oh... what about?" Bill asks.</p><p>"Oh, it's nothin'," Kieran replies, swatting his hand softly as he brushes off his thoughts.</p><p>"Now don't you say that," Bill begins as he takes a seat next to Kieran, crossing his legs and placing the gun down next to him. "I ain't the smartest fella, but I know somethings wrong when I see it."</p><p>"You really that fussed about knowin'?" Kieran lightly laughs, turning his gaze over to Bill. </p><p>"Course."</p><p> </p><p>"Alright," Kieran shakes his head, "well... erm... you know how when you like someone you tend to get a little... you know, towards em?"</p><p>"Soft?" </p><p>"No, well," Kieran laughs, "the opposite." </p><p>"Hard?"</p><p>"Yeah. I mean, you tend to get those erm... sexual feelings," Kieran explains.</p><p>"Where is you taking this?" Bill narrows his eyes. </p><p>"What I'm tryna say is... I don't really get that," Kieran shrugs. </p><p>Bill pauses for a moment, the cogs in his brain attempting to turn. "I ain't got the slightest idea on what you're talkin' about." </p><p>Kieran sighs, his eyes flicking to the landscape, then back to Bill. "Right. I ain't sure what's wrong with me. Normal folk, when they see someone they like, they get horny. I don't do that. Damn, I've only ever really been horny like three times in my life... I ain't got a clue what's up with me. I thought it would have fixed itself by now, but it ain't," Kieran huffs, fumbling over his words as he speaks faster than he can think. </p><p>"So you don't get hard?" Bill questions. </p><p>"Not usually. Well, I get hard sometimes, but I don't get the feelings attached," Kieran shrugs, surprised that Bill hasn't called him a few slurs and walked away.</p><p>"So?" Bill shrugs.</p><p>"So? What do you mean 'so'?" Kieran sighs.</p><p>"I mean, so? What's wrong with it? They is just feelings," Bill shrugs again, not fully understanding why Kieran was getting so worked up. </p><p>"Bill, I ain't right," Kieran rubs his face with his hands, groaning as he does so. "You know, I used to date this girl back when I was a teenager. Real pretty, real nice. She was a darlin'. Well, she started gettin' intimate with me, rubbin' on my crotch and all that. I felt kinda iffy but I figured I gotta at least try it. So I did. I had sex with her and I just felt sick the whole time." </p><p>Kieran continues to talk fast, finally forcing all this weight off his shoulders. He wasn't expecting to ever have this conversation, especially not with Bill of all people. But here they were, so he might as well make the most of it. </p><p>"You felt sick? Did you eat somethin' funny beforehand?" Bill asks, still not quite clicking on to it. </p><p>"No, Bill! The sex made me feel sick. Sex makes me feel sick. I just... I just don't wanna do it. I don't wanna think about it. I don't want nothin' to do with it. But that ain't right, is it? It ain't normal for a fella to be put off by that stuff." </p><p>"So you don't want nothin' to do with sex?" Bill asks again, finally clicking on to it. </p><p>"Nothin'. Not one bit," Kieran shakes his head as he speaks.</p><p> </p><p>Bill pauses for a short moment. Kieran's eyes are fixed on Bill, watching his expression, trying to pick up on any signs of negativity. He's expecting Bill to start laughing, to humiliate him, to stand up and run back to camp telling everybody about Kieran's business. Instead, Bill says something that Kieran instantly feels stupid about. </p><p>"Well then, just don't do it?" Bill states the obvious.</p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>"You heard me. If you don't like it then just don't do it," Bill laughs a little. He's unsure of why Kieran was getting worked up over something that he perceived as a small thing.</p><p>"But..." Kieran stutters, ready to explain his reasoning but Bill's quick to cut him off. </p><p>"You heard me, Kieran. If you don't like it, don't do it." </p><p>"But it's sex?" Kieran asks, his words overlapping the end of Bills sentence. </p><p>"So?" </p><p>"What do you mean 'so'?" Kieran asks for the second time.</p><p>"I mean, so. It's just sex, it ain't even that excitin'. There's a lot more to life than that stuff, I guess," Bill shrugs.</p><p>"And you don't think this is weird?"</p><p>"I couldn't give any less of a shit. No offense..." Bill pauses for a moment, trying to back-track his blunt response after seeing Kierans face drop. "I mean, maybe folk could find it weird, but it ain't their business. It's your business, not theirs. So why you gettin' so worked up over it?" </p><p> </p><p>Kieran looks back over the water, mouth parted, thinking about what Bill's just said. He's right. Why is he getting so worked up over it? So what? he doesn't like sex. Bills blunt mindset might be the right approach that he's looking for. Just shrug it off and move on with life.<br/>
It's not Kierans usual style but if it works, then why not? </p><p>"You're right," Kieran manages to reply.</p><p>"I know." </p><p>"Thanks, Bill," Kieran says as he turns back to him. "I wasn't really expectin' you to understand if I'm honest, but I'm glad you do. But could you just keep this between us?" </p><p>"Sure," Bill shrugs. "Now, is you comin' back to camp? I heard Pearson shout that foods ready 'bout ten minutes ago." </p><p>"Nah, not yet. I'm gonna stay here a little longer," Kieran kindly rejects his offer.</p><p>"Suit yourself," Bill says as he stands up, picking up the gun by his side. "I'll see you around then." </p><p>"Yeah. See you in a bit, Bill," Kieran gives him a gentle smile, watching the larger man make his way through the horses, back down to the camp.</p><p>Kierans eyes move back to the water, enjoying the way the sun sinks into the lake. He never thought he'd have this conversation with anybody, and if he did, it'd be with someone caring like Arthur. But it's done. There's a lot of weight lifted off Kierans shoulders and a new path ahead of him.<br/>
For the first time in a long time, Kieran feels content. He understands that he's not broken or weird, just a little different. But aren't we all?</p>
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